~犹豫~

我没想过会有这么的一天。。。。我被逼问了。。。。他问我如果女孩有一天改变了主意，他有没有机会？？？。。。我无法回答他。。。。唉。。。可是，我又不想伤他的心。。。。最后，没有回答他。。。他打算等待女孩的答案。。。。我不知道女孩打算几时会回答他。。。。好复杂噢。。。唉。。。那么就如他说的，让时间决定好了。。。

~akward~

today is Hari Merdeka for Malaysians......last night, the streets was so noisy....... ppl speeeding on the road and shouting as well..... i didn't celebrate it though.....
er...... i was being boomed last nite....... it was really shocking...... i think i opened a wrong topic to discuss.... i asked a question and he answered it...... he said he has a target but still not going to take a move...... then i keep asking and knew it in minutes......... it was very very shocking....... but i keep the girl he likes as a third person in my questions, so that, when we meet, we can still be normal...... but we both knows who's the girl...... er.... later we have a meet up for supper..... others delayed 1 hour or so to meet, but he and i decided to go ahead first since he need to return something...... since that we agree that the conversation earlier didn't really take place so the situation between us return to normal...... still.... i still feel akward around him........=P
they went out last night........ i got friend who saw them with h.lin in newtown...... the friend got saw my post on fb, so he sort of knew is who i saying when he saws them...... now, thinks there is atleast 3 housemates knows that there something wrong between me and them....... 1 of the housemate got ask me about what happen..... actually all also got ask, but i ask him to ask them better.... last night, when i chat with him, he said he got ask but they didn't answer him........ i also don't know why they afraid of answering his questions......... now, i don't really talks to them...... the times of talking between us is countable ones.... i even thinks that the words i spoken to them are countables one......haih.... problematic....
i already put up this website on my profile in fb..... don't know who will notice..... now thinking about erasing it....=P quite scary if someones reads this blog...... because, in this blog, there are quite alot of my inner secrets.......XD really really scary...............
(O.O)(O.O)(o.o)(>.<)(o.o)(O.O)(O.O)(O.o)(=.=)(@.@)(=.=)(o.O)(O.O)(O.O)(o.o)(>.<)(o.o)(O.O)(O.O)

~alone~

yesterday, i had dinner alone at little-little....... they went out since 6 evening and came home this morning at 7...... ask also didn't answer ........ lazy to ask already.......even other housemates know that there's something wrong between they and me...... haih...... don't know they got notice or not...... even my mom knows that we are having some problems....... there's so much of uncertainties........
spend quite much money yesterday..... a friend sick for days already....don't know he's ok already or not..... today wokeup earlier than yesterday..... still didn't talk much with them...... all post i have writen this week think is about depressions ones.... haih

~secrets~

this blog can be said is a private diary since that no one knows about this blog..... i don't know whether i should put this up.... if i put this up, then many problems might appear..... haih.....
today is sunday, on wednesday i would have my first final exam....... im goin to fail mechanics...... haih.....
和她们说话的次数是可以数到的。。。。她们有任何计划都不和我说一声。。。。叹气。。。。我看我们的关系已经闹得不好了。。。。 也有可能是我太介意了。。但是她也不和我说声道歉。。。。她们现在好像是在躲我。。应该是我多心吧。。。。好闷噢。。。
伤口好像发炎了。。。。。 都超过一个星期了。。。可能是因为范围太大了吧。。。挺疼的。。。但还可以忍。。。希望它快些好吧。。。

~depress~

this is my first time crying in here kampar, after 3 months....i din cry because i'm homesick or because results, but because i felt abandon................. i feel that im not important to anyone of them, im useless........... its not the first time that im been left alone..... if i wants to be left alone i will say so ok?????
juz now saw some pics.......i cant write on anymore..... i keep on trying to keep calm but whenever i think about the happennings of today, i feel like crying again....... i know that im too insenstive at normal times, that i dun care bout anything....... but how do u feel that ur really left alone and noone's remember bout u at all......
normally if i dun want to go somewhere i WILL reply ok?????????? u guyz sent a message but i wasnt there to recieve it PLS call me ok????????? dinner, how do u know that i wil go with someone else?????? i think they knows that im crying now... or maybe they don't........i can hear laughters........ tears welling in my eyes.... my eyes are red now....... T_T
more than 5 ppl know that im goin but when i met them oni 1 of them says sorry that her phone was off in the morning..... i know that... but don't u think that how bout other ppl phones????????? even my housemate doesn't call me in the morning or atleast send a sms telling me that she's goin out......... puhlezz..... we juz live next room......... they are laughing now..... so lound........ i fell like oni killing myself they wil oni see me, or juz realized that im there....... want to cry and vomit ................
T_TT_TT_TT_TT_TT_TT_TT_TT_TT_TT_TT_TT_TT_TT_TT_TT_TT_TT_TT_TT_TT_TT_TT_TT_TT_TT_TT_TT_T

~sunday~

woke up again at nearly noon...... roommate call me up and tell me that they wants to goin out for brunch or something at 10.... but i did't follow.... continue to sleep..... after waking, read book for awhile and went for lunch..... but that also can be count as tea time cause almost 3 after noon.... really mess up my life already...XD
dinner!!! went out with friends and housemate.... ate claypot chicken rice...... but not really nice eventhough its quite famous.... we need to wait for more than 45 minutes then only the dish is serve....>.<
crazy already!!! think spend more than 8 hours on this laptop!!!! haih.... just remember that this week, teachers goin to return those heartbreaking results...... goin to die already after seeing them..... think jump lake faster since its so close.........XD

~pizza!!!~

we called for 2 large pizza and an add on from me= soup of the day...... they cost RM13 all together.... T.T expensive le.... it was okay lo if u ask me...... but then it would be the only answer from me also....XD 4 pieces of pizza and a bowl of soup = full!!! =)
pwen ask me to call because i sort of  never call before.... but in the end she was the 1 who call.... because i was wasting time so she got feed up and juz grab my phone...... almost no money already my phone......=( i know that im useless, okay??????????
been wasting the whole day online when i should be on books.......... kind of afraid to look at my result later.....don't know what will happen........={
bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored

~morning~

woke up around near 1130.... boring today.... skip breakfast straight to lunch..... planning to eat pizza for dinner...=)
haih...... i think that my roommate dislike me.....she doesn't talk much to me compare to other ppls..... i know that sometimes i ask too many questions....but its my way to show that im trying to take knowledge about somthing..... she doesn't say out what she dislikes or her opinions... sometimes i think that she think that im juz the air around her....=(
is it necessary for a teenage girl to think for her love life??? i think that im sastified with my life currently... no need to have another human being to mess up my life more.....but then don't know why there is so many ppl wants to set up rumors about me with some guys...... haih.....>.<

~dinner~

Juz had a dinner with my classmates..... 20 of them plus 2 from other class excluding me..... quite fun...=)..... 2 of my classmate was late especially h.yew...... i used quite lot of money on dinner....T.T..... RM8.20 but got back 40 cents cause don't know who give extra.....=)...... later think still got a group walk at the lakeside....XD...... quite crazy la my class....... there's this guy in my class like to bully other people..... almost all the classmate are his victim.....i'm included as well.....
finally finish the last test!!!! but think that i will get very very very low marks....T.T.... don't know how to do le.......... wil die if i need to repeat the semester.......X_X.......
the deed i done yesterday had result already!!! the owner found back his student id already.....XD the owner said thx to me as well...... i hope that if im the 1 in trouble 1 day, someone wil help me as well...=)

~spechless~

had my presentation today... i think it went by with the grade of fine only... the presentation should last for 15 mins but our group done it in less than 15 mins... was said by the tutor..... we was the third and last group for the day...  tutor said that our elaboration wasn't enough.... haih.... don't care bout it anymore... it already pass....=.=
i always have the feeling the everyone don't like to talk to me.... like they always think that i'm invisible.... like i'm the air and i don't have any feeling at all..... eventough that i rarely cares for anything..... of the fact that im a really carefree person..... its not that im really carefree but because that whenever i ask about something, they tends to skip the question which in result cause me to not to care bout it anymore.... and most of the time i thinks that they don't really like me at all.....=(
im clueless most of the time....i rarely pays attention bout anything at all.... when im reading i would be like in a trance and rarely or doesn't notice the happenings in my surrounding...... unless that my trance is not deep enough....XD

~hell~

Juz finish eating dinner.... today had a maths test.... tomorrow is having physical chem test..... the day after that wil be the mechanic test....!!!!! TEST TEST TEST!!!! goin to die already..... then on the autopsy, doc wil write cause=exam....XDXDXD
quite unlucky yesterday.... fall from bicycle.....again.... hurt both of my hand and my knees are having bruises..... tomorrow still got a presentation!!!! haih.... got to be more careful next time..... but then cant speed......=(